I thought I would take a moment and post somthing.
I know this is long..but please bear with me.
I know I don't say much. I really would like to, but
I have much trouble finding time to read, and I have
difficulty putting my feeling into words.
Why am I here??
Well, my answer for that question is that I feel I have found
my home. I have found out that I'm not alone. The friendships
I have made in the past year mean so much to me that I can't
possibly express it well enough to do it justice.
For more than 16 years, 17 in July, I have had the absolute
desire to _be_ a red fox. I have struggled with the thought
of being an anthro or non-anthro fox. I orignally was set
on being a four legger but with speech, front paws with
thumbs and dexterity, human life span, able to see color.
But I guess that does make me an anthrofox in itself.
I guess I want to be as close to fox as I possibly can.
If I'm on all fours or walking upright it doesn't matter.
As long as I have my thick fur, big floofy tail, muzzle,
ears, and so on.
I really _do_ feel that I am a red fox stuck in this strange
form. The more I read about the red fox, the more I see myself.
That _is_ what I am.
The years of feeling alone were hard. I got depressed a
number of times. I wished SO hard that I would wake up the
next morning as a fox that I was crying in the morning
because I wasn't. I guess I made it through by focusing
my attenton on other things. its how I survived.
Its strange how things come together. If it wasn't for the
movie "Balto" I probably wouldn't be here today. I know
that there isn't anything to do with foxes in that movie,
but I love it just the same. After I saw it I found out
that there was a website for it. this was Christmas of
1995. I didn't have a computer and couldn't find anyone
who would let me explore this website, so I bought my own
computer and got onto the internet. (other reasons were there
too, Balto was just the catalist that made me do it).
It took me almost a year after that before I found "furry".
Again, it was Balto which led me there. Before, the only
search engine I had used to find anything pertaining to
Balto was Yahoo. It only showed the main webpage. so on
January 23, 1997 I plugged Balto into Alta Vista (I was
home from work with a bad cold and was bored). I got tons
of links to different Balto related websites. one was a link
to http://www.itch.com/Balto. It was the balto fan webpage.
I was amazed! I didn't know that others liked it so well.
Anyhow, it had some "furry" links and I spent the following
weeks glued to my computer trying to figure out if "furry"
was what I thought it was.
IT WAS!!!!!
I didn't join this newsgroup then because my ISP didn't carry
it on their news server. I didn't know then that I wasn't
limited to _that_ news server. well, live and learn :)
Anyhow, I am here now, and I am happy I found you all!
I feel bad though about the hard feelings going around
lately. I don't want to take sides because I love you all.
I hope we all can reach an understanding.
There is somthing I wanted to share with you all.
Its the lyrics to the theme song of the movie Balto.
I feel that this song explains the way I feel about my
furriness.
Reach for the Light (Theme from Balto)
Deep in the night, the winds blow cold
and in a heartbeat, the fear takes hold
deep in the storm, there's a place that's soft and still
where the road waits to be taken, if you only will
the voices inside you, can lead you so astray
belive in what you dream, don't turn away
don't you turn away
(chorus)
Reach for the light, you might touch the sky
stand on a mountain top and see yourself flyin'
reach for the light, to capture a star
come out of the darkness and find out who you are
Somewhere in time, the truth shines through
and the spirit knows, what it has to do
somewhere in you, there's a power with no name
it can rise to meet the moment, and burn like a flame
and you can be stronger, then any fear you know
hold on to what you see, don't let it go
don't you let it go
(chorus)
There's no turning back, your destiny is calling
listen to the thunder roar, and let your heart break free
(chorus)
There it is, I'm sorry to take up so much bandwidth.
but I just had to get this off my chest.
Thanks to all *hug*
AeroFox